Got Kids?

As an adult, it’s a question you’ve probably been asked countless times upon meeting new people; got kids? For many years, my answer to that question was no. I wanted kids, or at least a kid, but for some the path to parenthood is more difficult than simply making the decision that you want to have kids. Our road to parenthood is a blog post in itself, so I won’t blow my wad here and will save that for another time.

So now, I have a kid, and when someone asks if I have kids, I can answer in the affirmative; yes, I have a son who is 11 years old. However, that question often leads to other questions asking details about said kid. That’s where things get a little tricky. How much do I share?

I am extremely proud of Owen and love to talk about him, but let’s face it, Owen’s world is much different than the world of a typically developing 11 year old. Often, I won’t share too much with people I’ve just met because I don’t want to be Debbie Downer and make the conversation heavy, or see the look of pity in their eyes. So often I share details of Owen’s life at a high level and listen as they share much more detailed information about what their kids are up to. But sometimes, I take a chance and see what happens.

On a business trip a few years ago while at dinner, the talk inevitably turned to kids, and I had a choice to make as to how much I would share about Owen. I threw caution to the wind and said I had a son and that my son had a serious medical condition which limited his ability to do many things a child of his age would be doing. Turns out one of others had a child with special needs too. Over dinner, we had a great conversation about our special kiddos and what joy they have brought to our lives.

So after that experience I vowed that I would try – I say try because I’m not always in the mood to share intimate details of my life with strangers – to be more honest and up front about our life with Owen. If it makes people uncomfortable, than so be it. Part of my reason for this is because I like talking about my son and I’m super proud of him. Another reason is because I’d like to make talking about disability and differences more of a normal thing. Not so that people feel bad for us or take pity on us, because that is the last thing on earth I want. My hope is that by talking about our life others will become more in tune with what life is like for those dealing with disability and will have more compassion and understanding when they meet others like us.